Frankenstein

Gather round children and I shall tell you of the before times. 

For you see we also did not do our homework. But with no Chat GPT to guide us we were forced to cheat in other ways. Some purchased Cliff notes – which presented some problems. There is a Cosby episode about it and you should check it out. 

The rest of us watched the movie. To Kill a Mockingbird is a classic book. The movie is also a classic and if you were so inclined as to skip the book, well, the movie hits all the highlights. 

And so it went. Francis Ford Coppola gave us Bram Stoker’s Dracula in 1992. It’s both a masterpiece and faithful enough to get you a B. 

Franco Zeffirelli gave us The Taming of The Shrew and Romeo and Juliet. I don’t know if you are allowed to watch Romeo and Juliet now because of the (redacted) but I’m pretty certain my English teacher showed it to us in high school. Times have changed my friends. 

Guillermo Del Toro’s Frankenstein belongs in this category. Sadly, the fact that you could safely show this to a room full of ninth graders without getting in trouble is not necessarily a compliment. 

Before I criticize it though let’s talk about what is great. The cast, the set design and a lot of the story. 

Mia Goth is the truth. Christoph Waltz, Charles Dance, and David Bradley get to bring their particular gifts to the screen. Waltz is the greatest movie character actor of his generation and he takes another wonderful turn here even if the story gives him almost nothing to work with. 

Oscar Isaac is really good when he is allowed to ham it up and be a villain. But he doesn’t get those opportunities enough. He and Waltz really should have been let loose to see who could cook the most bacon on screen and neither got it until their final moments together. 

I will say, during that scene, Isaac simply saying the word “No,” sent me into a fit of laughter. A brief glimpse of what might have been. 

Goth is notable for taking a character that is cut from most tellings of Mary Shelley’s story and making her into something interesting and human. Jacob Elordi has a thankless task of being a monster but he’s a gamer and I think he mostly pulled it off. 

So what’s bad about it? 

Ultimately, this movie is like a sports car that never gets on the track. Del Toro revs the engine more than once and you feel like it might squall the tires and take off. (Ed. Note: No I don’t mean squeal. In the south some of us say squall.) 

I noticed the music and didn’t like it. That’s never a good sign. I kept noticing that Netflix sheen that they do where everything looks 4k shiny but also bland as hell. 

There are several moments where blood and other colors should pop on screen and instead it looks dull. I don’t know if that was a censorship thing (so that this could be played in classrooms), my theater, or a Netflix thing but it sucks. 

Also, you watch this and you can see why in 1931 Director James Whale and writers Peggy Webling and John L. Balderston set fire to most of Mary Shelley’s book and did their own thing. And why everyone mostly agrees that the sequel, Bride of Frankenstein (1935), is the superior movie. 

Del Toro made classics before his work with Mike Mignola on Mignola’s Hellboy adaptation made him a big deal. I remain interested in what he does because it’s usually incredibly unique and because I have an affinity for that comic. Del Toro made a masterpieces with the first Hellboy and a really good movie with the sequel. 

I hold out hope that whatever happened there will get mended and Del Toro will get a chance to make the final flick in what should have been a Hellboy trilogy. 

However, I will also accept a big production of H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountain of Madness. 

I haven’t read that classic either but I’m betting Del Toro can get his swing back.